Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
