hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He shit in the fireplace
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
