it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
