Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
