Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
