Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
