I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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