if you like me you must not know who I am
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
