Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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