Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sext me about skeletons
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
