I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
