I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
