How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
