He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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