I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
