is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
