I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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