we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
