Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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