hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
