i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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