Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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