Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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