you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
