Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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