How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
