You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize