The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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