My room smells like vodka and shame
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
