My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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