Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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