I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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