Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
