just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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