Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
