Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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