You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
