Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
