when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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