So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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