I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
