btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
