sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
