im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
