Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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