I feel like I'm in dance class right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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