whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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