You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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