wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
