My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
