I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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