I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
