i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think my moral compass just broke
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
