so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
