Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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