im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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