Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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