My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
