Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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