Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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