I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
