Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
