I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was like eating out sand paper
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
