I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
