She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
