That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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