I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
