Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
