I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize