The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
