A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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