i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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