Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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